I'm writing this after the fact just for my own sake because I want to remember all of my thoughts & feelings from Skylar's hospital experience.
When I found out that Skylar might need a second surgery, it was devastating. Everything went downhill for me for about a week or two from that point. I had been so patient through the whole process & it was so disheartening to find out that the first surgery wasn't successful. The hardest part was thinking that the 2nd surgery meant an extended stay in the hospital. And that's what killed me. Not seeing the end in sight...I couldn't bear to think that far ahead. I really thought she would have to stay for another month since it took a month after the first surgery. I anticipated it would end up being 8 weeks in the hospital...ugh. Almost unbearable.
From that point on, I became somewhat impatient. And ANGRY. I had moments where I felt so incredibly angry. Not at any particular person, not at Heavenly Father, just at the situation. I would cry. I wanted to take a sledgehammer & destroy something. I actually tried to think of things that I could do to rid myself of the frustration that was brewing inside me. I wished there was a mountain nearby that I could climb to the top of & scream at the top of my lungs. And then scream again. And again. And again. If there was a mountain nearby, I kid you not...I would have done just that. One day I screamed in my room for awhile. I probably scared the crap out of my dog. Poor Phoebe.
I didn't have the sledgehammer idea until Tyson told me a story. A pretty funny story, actually. When he was a little kid he went to a church carnival & one of the activities was taking a sledgehammer to an old car. How funny is that?! I can just imagine a tired housewife coming up with that idea! I love it. From then on, I wished I could take a sledgehammer to something. (We just threw away our old TV...I should have taken a hammer to it before we dumped it.)
Anyways, I didn't like feeling so angry. Holding Skylar helped. Praying helped. When I'm angry I pray & ask Heavenly Father to take the anger away. I then normally read my scriptures & I always feel better afterwards.
Thankfully, we were able to go home only two weeks after the 2nd surgery!
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