So Many People to Thank...

For 6 weeks, someone watched Blakeley during the day so I could go to the hospital.  For those six weeks, someone also came to our house from 8-10:30pm after Blakeley was in bed so that both Tyson & I could go to the hospital.  For those six weeks, we had meals at least twice a week.  I think the first week and a half we had meals almost every night.  Gifts, cards, flowers, treats, visits, surprises on our doorstep...How grateful I am for the tremendous support that we received and the willingness to help our family.  Babysitting, meals, a quick comment, a prayer...these may seem like small things to the people who did them but they are huge to me.  To comfort those in need of comfort...our friends and family did just that.  I truly felt strength from their efforts. 

I've never been on the receiving end like this before.  It's humbling.  I've learned that if you're not sure what to say to someone who is going through something hard, anything helps.  The comments on Facebook were so comforting & encouraging.  Never again will I feel awkward saying or writing words of comfort to someone because I've gone through this hard experience.  Even just saying, "I'm sorry you're going through that..." is comforting.  So when in doubt, say that. 

Thank you to the following people.  You truly are amazing & I'm so grateful for you.  You made a difference in my life & I will be forever grateful.

Whomever heart attacked us & left us all the goodies- You rock. 

Mom- Visited me & helped with Blakeley the entire first week. Such a blessing that she came out.
Dad & Linda- sent money for a rocking chair & sent flowers

Grandma Shirley- sent money & outfits for Skylar & Blakeley

Chelsea Haas- sent cute posters that she made, adorable headbands for Skylar

Marilyn Worden- Build a Bear lamb for Skylar

Ty & Crystal Rankin- visited us in hospital, brought flowers & balloons, took Blakeley to Sea World for the day, allowed Josh to work for Tyson

Bay & Allison Willingham- brought us dinner, brought gifts & flowers

Carrie Coplen- visited me in hospital & brought me candy

Christy & John Cox- visited us in hospital, brought gift & balloon, brought us a meal & had us over for dinner on Mother's Day

Heather Scott- visited me in hospital, gave me hair clip gift, stored my milk in her deep freezer, watched Blakeley at night

Amy Salisbury- dropped off homemade bread & gift (super cute dress), babysat Blakeley at night

Arianne Pearce, Molly Hansen, Julie Bezzant- dropped off flowers & cheesecake the first night we got home from the hospital.  They were actually at our door when we got home.  So nice.

Arianne Pearce- watched Blakeley during the day for two weeks, gave us a slide for Blakeley.  The first day she watched Blakeley, when I dropped her off, she handed me a sack lunch that she had packed me.  I started to cry because it was so thoughtful.  I can't believe she even thought to do that. Such a great example & someone I will try to emulate.

Molly Hansen- watched Blakeley during the day

Emily Benedict- watched Blakeley during the day

Dana Jorgensen- watched Blakeley during the day, outfit for Skylar

Shane Bezzant- watched Blakeley during the day

Rachael Munson- dropped off flowers, watched Blakeley at night twice

Melissa Burr & Chris Woodcock- sent us card

Jenie Haddock- dropped off flowers, dropped off gifts (outfits & stuffed animal for Skylar, stuffed animal for Blakeley), let me come over to her house & vent about NICU experiences  (her baby had been in the same NICU for 5 weeks & had gone home like a month before Skylar was born), watched Blakeley during the day

Greta Hurley (the best visiting teacher ever!) - brought 3 meals, gifts (outfit for Skylar & doll for B), watched Blakeley on Saturdays & took her to the zoo, gave us teddy bear with soothing sounds for Skylar

Deanna Mercado- brought meal & Blakeley a doll

Nancy Fleming- brought 2 meals

Joscelyn Iverson- brought us a meal, watched Blakeley

Michelle Sepulveda- brought us a meal.  This lady is so special.  I had only met her once at a friend's baby shower & then she befriended me on FB.  When she found out about Skylar being in the NICU she wanted to do a meal for me.  Says a lot about her since she didn't even really know me.  Special lady!

Jenin Compton- watched Blakeley at night

Anna & Libby Koelling- watched Blakeley at night

Christine Bartkowski- helped watch Blakeley at night

Bishop Gary Long- visited us at hospital the day we got released right before we went home & gave me blessing.  Also kept calling to check on us over the weeks.

Josh Self- Worked for Ty. Such a financial blessing & is unprecedented.  Shows what people think of Tyson.  Such a nice thing to do.

Margie Hayden- Worked for Ty.  Such a blessing.

Aaron Ward & Jenna McDaniel- visited us, brought gifts (Champina onesie, bubble gun for B)

Ricki & Bob Ward- outfit for Skylar, Monkey puppet book for B

Sue McDaniel (Jenna’s Mom)- sent us strawberry beanies.  This is a special lady too!  We've never even met her before.  She's a NICU nurse in California.  So sweet of her.  She actually sent us 4 in different sizes.

Amy Beltran- watched B while we were in hospital when Skylar was born, bought Blakeley clothes & toys (electronic laptop toy, sunglasses, purse, coloring books with special markers), brought us a cake, brought more gifts for Skylar (clothes & diaper changing pad)

Cydni Gardner- watched Blakeley at night

Bree Mercado- watched Blakeley at night

Jane Doyle- dropped off little cheesecake desserts, gift (clothes, blanket, bib that says "Little Sister" for Skylar, shirt that says "Big Sister" for Blakeley

Crystal Isenhour- gift (clothes & blanket for Skylar)

Kathy Hagerman- brought us a meal, watched Blakeley at night

Tara Lundmark- brought us a meal

Mindy Baron- brought us a meal

Kim Thomas- brought us a meal

Terri LeBleu- brought us a meal

Sara Embelton- brought us a meal

Natalie Scott- watched Blakeley at night

Billie Wareman- watched Blakeley at night

Liliana Gonzalez- watched Blakeley at night four times, folded laundry

Beth Batey- watched Blakeley at night, did dishes & cleaned my microwave!

Carmen Dawson- watched Blakeley at night, gift (cute clothes for Skylar)

Debbie Farnsworth- watched Blakeley at night
 
Jacque- brought gift (clothes for Skylar & Blakeley, bath washes/lotions for Skylar)

Countless people prayed & fasted

(Can you believe that list?!  I'm in awe...)
 
Thank you for acting as Heavenly Father's hands here on earth.  We are so blessed.  I'm overwhelmed by the support we received & just looking at this list is amazing.  I told Tyson that if we didn't know if we were loved before, we sure know now!

So again...Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Can I Borrow a Sledgehammer?

I'm writing this after the fact just for my own sake because I want to remember all of my thoughts & feelings from Skylar's hospital experience. 

When I found out that Skylar might need a second surgery, it was devastating.  Everything went downhill for me for about a week or two from that point.  I had been so patient through the whole process & it was so disheartening to find out that the first surgery wasn't successful.  The hardest part was thinking that the 2nd surgery meant an extended stay in the hospital.  And that's what killed me.  Not seeing the end in sight...I couldn't bear to think that far ahead.  I really thought she would have to stay for another month since it took a month after the first surgery.  I anticipated it would end up being 8 weeks in the hospital...ugh.  Almost unbearable.

From that point on, I became somewhat impatient.  And ANGRY.  I had moments where I felt so incredibly angry.  Not at any particular person, not at Heavenly Father, just at the situation.  I would cry.  I wanted to take a sledgehammer & destroy something.  I actually tried to think of things that I could do to rid myself of the frustration that was brewing inside me.  I wished there was a mountain nearby that I could climb to the top of & scream at the top of my lungs.  And then scream again.  And again.  And again.  If there was a mountain nearby, I kid you not...I would have done just that.  One day I screamed in my room for awhile.  I probably scared the crap out of my dog.  Poor Phoebe.

I didn't have the sledgehammer idea until Tyson told me a story.  A pretty funny story, actually.  When he was a little kid he went to a church carnival & one of the activities was taking a sledgehammer to an old car.  How funny is that?!  I can just imagine a tired housewife coming up with that idea!  I love it.  From then on, I wished I could take a sledgehammer to something. (We just threw away our old TV...I should have taken a hammer to it before we dumped it.)

Anyways, I didn't like feeling so angry.  Holding Skylar helped.  Praying helped.  When I'm angry I pray & ask Heavenly Father to take the anger away.  I then normally read my scriptures & I always feel better afterwards. 

Thankfully, we were able to go home only two weeks after the 2nd surgery!

Our Family Together...Finally

It feels good to have everyone together!  I love our girls!

DISCHARGED!!!

After six weeks & 2 surgeries, we got to go home today with our sweet little baby!  I was so happy although it didn't feel real.  I still felt sort of numb & it didn't really hit me. 

We came home to this:

How sweet.  Thanks Rachael & Christy!

Now "Mission: Adjusting to Two Kids" begins!  Wish me luck...

Gaining Weight

The last few days, I knew that we could only be discharged if Skylar was gaining weight each day.  It didn't matter how much she gained but they wanted to see an uphill trend.  I was really hoping she would gain so we could get discharged.  Everything else was great at this point & a nurse even asked what else they were waiting for since all they were doing at this point was feeding her.

I posted this on FB:  Cross your fingers that Skylar gains weight when they weigh her tonight. She has to gain in order for us to get discharged tomorrow. Oy, I'm trying to stay positive. I want to go home tomorrow!

We Can Overcome ANY Trial

NO MORE TUBES!  =)


Random thoughts:

One really big thing I've re-learned through this ordeal:

I know that by leaning on our HF we can overcome any trial.

Looks like we're probably getting discharged on Monday. Woot woot!

It takes a ward to raise a child.  Support has been amazing.


I think I've felt every emotion you could possibly feel through this experience...

Terror
Impatience
Sadness
Fear
Anxiety
Annoyance
Helplessness
Anger
Frustration
Crazy
Nothing at all
Despair
Stressed

Peace
Comfort
Joy
Love
Happiness
Relief
Friendship
Gratitude
Appreciation
Relaxed
Enlightened

At some points, I wanted to kick and scream and throw a tantrum and bang my head on a wall.  Valid feelings.

IV is out! Woo hoo!

1:49am
Couldn't sleep...I was dying to know how Skylar did at her midnight feeding since I wasn't there. I'm glad I can call to check on her even at crazy hours like this. She has been doing so great! It's looking really good that we will probably get discharged soon. The IV that she's had for 5 weeks will get taken out tomorrow! YESSSS! The end is in sight! CANNOT WAIT!

Later in the day...2pm

Skylar's IV (PICC) is out!!! Yeehaw! Dr said we'll probably get discharged on Monday.

This is HUGE!  I'm soooo excited but still don't want to get my hopes up just in case...

Spitting Image of Daddy

Skylar looks just like Tyson when he was a baby in this picture!  Until this photo, I could never tell who she looked like.

The End is in Sight!

8:48am
I'm sooooo happy! Skylar's "problem area" appears to be working! Milk flowed thru stomach & intestines leaving barely any fluid build up in her stomach for 18 hours now! This is huge progress! I'm hoping we will start feeding by mouth today which is the ultimate test. Once we work up to normal feedings by mouth, we'll nurse, & then GO HOME!!!

12:48pm
I just gave Skylar her first bottle with 1 oz! That's way more than I expected we would start with which is great. They actually said I could nurse but I want to go slow. I think she would get too much if I nursed her & we would have no way to monitor her intake. But they said I could nurse! That's huge! I'm going to ask the Dr. when we might be able to take her home if all goes well.

2pm
Dr said if all goes well we can maybe take Skylar home at the end of the week or early next week! Woot woot! Now I just can't get my hopes up.

This progress is all going so much faster than I anticipated.  It's great!

Dad & Linda also sent me flowers which I got today & that was so incredibly sweet.  The outpouring of support is truly amazing.

Huge Progress Begins NOW!

Skylar's feeding tube moved-like 7 inches outward & I was feeling really disappointed (and irritated because the nurse had laid her on her side-the side where feeding tube was & apparently it got caught on a blanket when she tried to move her & that's why it came out) but after talking to Dr. Baldwin, it seems like it was about time for the next step anyway so it was a blessing in disguise.

So the next step for Skylar starts today. Let's hope this goes well. Feeding tube is now going to deposit breast milk into stomach where it will then go downward thru intestines. This is a big deal because its basically going to tell us if milk flows thru past problem area like its supposed to. If it does, feeding by mouth will probably start by Thurs which is a lot sooner than I was expecting! And we have one less tube as of today! (Her repogal).

Its interesting too since she has 2 outlets from her stomach to her intestines...the natural area where the blockage was and the new area where Baldwin attached the stomach & intestine to bypass the problem area. Agrawal made it sound like the original area looked good so now maybe since its been longer, its had more time to heal so the bottom line is that as long as one of them works at this point, then stuff should flow thru & it will be all good.

Anyways, this feels like a really big deal to me. I feel excited for the progress & terrified all at the same time. Its kind of a weird sensation to be excited & terrified at the same time.

I feel really optimistic but I also don't want to get my hopes up. That's the part that terrifies me because disappointing news is crushing. But I just need to remember that this is a very slow process & we can't rush it. And even if she's not ready yet, it will be OK. She will get better & that will just mean she needs a little more time. But I've slowly realized through this process that she WILL get better & I WILL get to take her home! Yippeeee!

Part of me is sad because by the time we get to take her home & put clothes on her, she probably won't fit in newborn sizes & I had gotten her a bunch of cute clothes that she'll probably never wear. And by the time I get to take her "newborn" photos, she probably won't even look like a newborn anymore. But honestly, those things DON'T matter! Getting to take my baby home is what matters!!!

On a different note, I'm just thinking about how we take the simplest things for granted-like just the act of eating & swallowing. Poor Skylar has not been able to eat. We need to be grateful for EVERYTHING!!!

Without the bad, we wouldn't appreciate the good. So if you're going through something tough, hang in there. Ask yourself what you're supposed to learn from the experience & write down your thoughts so you can look back & see the knowledge you learned. After the trial comes the blessing.

Last night after we put B to bed, I couldn't get up off the couch to come visit Skylar. It felt so nice to just relax since I haven't had much time to do that. All of my free time has been spent at the hospital & I feel so guilty if I do anything else. I knew I was going to go visit her but before I knew it, it was really late. So I ended up leaving the house to go see her at like 11:30pm which is so late! I called at about 10pm to check on her & the nurse, Josy said she had been really fussy & she had just gotten her to calm down. I automatically thought that she was probably waiting for me! There was only one day previously that I didn't see her at all because of a sore throat & besides that, this was by far the latest that I visited her during the night hours. I got there & held her for awhile & she was calm, relaxed, & slept. And I heard she was good the rest of the night after I left so I'm convinced that she had just wanted her Mama! And I just wanted my baby! I love her so much!
My friend, Amy Lock posted this quote on FB:

“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”

What an awesome quote.

I'm amazed at how many people have complimented me on how inspiring I have been, how strong I've been, & how my faith strengthens them.  It's nice to hear...that I'm inspiring people although I don't get it really. I don't feel like I've done anything inspiring.  My friend, Shannon explained it in a way that made me understand though.  She said some people she knows would be whining & complaining the whole time.  So I guess I can see...I really haven't whined or complained too much.  I'm just taking it day by day & rolling with the punches but Heavenly Father is what's keeping me going.  Reading my scriptures & praying.
Most of this time I've felt like I needed to have more faith. I've wondered if its possible to have faith & be scared at the same time? Or can the two not go together? If you're exerting faith, should that mean you have no fear whatsoever? I'm not so sure.

But I find it interesting that others think I've been inspiring in this situation. That means a lot to me. I think for the most part I have handled it well. I've definitely had my moments of utter insanity but most people haven't seen that side. Most days I've felt pretty good about everything. I attribute all of my strength to everyone's prayers. I definitely don't think it has anything to do with me. I guess this is one of those times when you find out you're stronger than you ever could be.

Throughout a lot of this, I've felt like I've been going on auto-pilot. I feel like I've been desensitized to an extent which I think is a coping mechanism but I also think its strength from everyone's prayers. Most days, it really just has not felt as hard as it should feel. (I will ease the burden off your shoulders that you will not feel it upon your backs). (Mosiah...?)

I love my family.

I wonder how this experience has affected other people? Maybe someone said a prayer who had not prayed in a long time?

Last Tuesday (surgery day), McDonald's girl at drive thru was so nice. Just had upbeat positive attitude & it made all the difference. She seemed like she liked her job. Was just really nice to have someone smile really big & tell us to have a nice day. Needed it that day!  I want to go back to that McDonald's and give her a thank you note to let her know the impact she made.

Crying in Front of Strangers is Awesome

On a few occassions lately, I've cried in front of total strangers.  Ick.  I hate crying in front of people I know...let alone people I don't know!

Drs, nurses, the guy behind the counter at the cafe at the hospital...yup.  Embarrassing.  I started crying because I forgot my debit card & I couldn't buy lunch & I was really hungry.  The only reason I cried is because it was during the bad week when we found out Skylar needed surgery again so I already had a lot going on & that just added to it.  A person can only take so much!

Luckily Tyson was on his way.  The guy was so nice though...he gave me my food anyway (I had already ordered before I realized I couldn't pay for it!) and then I paid him when Tyson got there.  I'm a regular anyway since the cafe is in the atrium of the hospital & I've probably eaten here at least fifteen times already. 

But yeah, crying in front of strangers is awesome!

Blakeley's Shenanigans

Blakeley has been pretty defiant for like 6 months now but I'm starting to see how this whole situation is finally taking a toll on her.  She's been getting babysat by a few people during the day so I can go to the hospital & she actually seems to really like getting out of the house & playing with other kids.  I'm sure she's enjoying herself but it's making her stir crazy when she's home.  I think she's bored when she's at home.  Poor Blakeley.

One of the hardest things in the beginning was being apart from Blakeley.  I'm so used to being with her 24/7 that it was hard for me to let go & not be with her as much.  She didn't seem to care though!  ha ha.

Update on Skylar:

Skylar is 8lbs 4oz! And I must say that we lucked out again. From what I can tell she's a super good baby just like Blakeley was. She barely ever cries when I'm around and she doesn't even eat yet so I can only imagine she'll be even happier when she can nurse. And she loves her pacifier just like her big sister!

You Found What?!

Approx 1pm
Some lady from Risk Mgmt at the hospital just came to me & introduced herself. I asked what risk mgmt was & she asked if anyone had talked to me about the little piece of tape they found inside Skylar during the 2nd surgery. I said no. She looked shocked like she thought someone already told me. Apparently she let the cat out of the bag. She walked away.

Jan, the nurse came over a few mins later & asked what she said (sounded like she kinda overheard). She said the Director & Drs were going to come talk to me. I've been waiting to talk to them for like 45 mins.

I feel that nervous/sick feeling. I'm livid. But I know that everyone is human & obviously a mistake was made.  So it turns out that its a really good thing she "needed" surgery again so they could discover the tape.

So risk mgmt is obviously for the hospital to cover their butts. I wonder what my legal rights are in this situation. I wonder if the tape stunted Skylar's progress or prevented her from healing?

And why the hizzell had nobody talked to us before now? When was someone planning on telling us? I think that's what makes me the maddest.  I would like my hospital bill waived now.  I'm feeling some crazy adrenaline!!!  This is really turning out to be the ULTIMATE test!!!  Add self control to the list of things that I'm apparently supposed to learn from this.

Later...

Originally I was thinking that the tape was left in Skylar during the 1st surgery but that wasn't the case.   They think she swallowed it- like it had come loose from her repogal.  Dr. Baldwin said he did tell us after the surgery that they had found some "debris" but Tyson nor I recall him telling us anything like that & if he did, he just said it in such a way where we didn't understand what he meant.  Saying you found "debris" vs. saying "I found tape in her stomach" are two different things. Obviously, if he would have told us he found tape in her stomach, we would have had questions & expressed concern.  He assured me that he did not think it in any way compromised Skylar's healing & that it wasn't anywhere near the obstruction area.  He said if he though it might have at all, he would have a moral obligation to tell me.  He really has no reason to lie since he did nothing wrong so I truly do believe him although there is no way that anyone can prove that it didn't prevent Skylar from healing.  Dr. Baldwin couldn't really explain why the first surgery was not successful.  He said it may have been the angulation of the area which doesn't really make sense to me since we're talking about liquid going down her stomach...how would angulation play a role in that?  I'm going to look into the situation & see if they will work with us regarding our hospital bills.

They're even changing the way they operate in the NICU due to this!  They're going to use longer pieces of tape to prevent it from happening again. That tells me they absolutely know a mistake was made & that they are liable!

(It was a little balled up piece of white medical tape)

My Daily Therapy

1:55pm on FB:
Holding Skylar for the first time since surgery yesterday. Holding her is always so therapeutic for me!   It doesn't matter how bad I'm feeling...holding her always makes me feel better. She's doing good. She's on pain meds and she's sleeping away. I think they'll start using the feeding tube tomorrow & if everything goes well, start bottle feeding in 2 wks. Hopefully we can blow this joint in 3-4 wks.

Thought on my mind:



A group of women asked a silversmith how he knows when silver is ready? He said he holds the silver in the fire & when he can see his reflection, that's when he knows it's ready. Heavenly Father does the same with us-He holds us in the fire (trials) until He can see His reflection. Trials are necessary for growth & progress.

Surgery #2 Day

2:35pm on FB:
Skylar's surgery is done! We haven't seen her yet but surgeon said she's good. They linked her stomach & intestine differently to bypass problem area. Feeding tube is in so they can start feeding breast milk in a couple days. I feel pretty good & just hope this is the start to recovery! Can't wait till I can post that we're taking our baby home. That will be one of the best days EVER! Thx so much for all the prayers.

After the surgery, I was so angry because we were sitting in the waiting room for like an hour after Dr. Baldwin came to talk to us & I finally went to the NICU receptionist & asked when we could see Skylar & it turns out we could have come to see her like 15 mins after Dr. Baldwin spoke to us.  After the 1st surgery, our nurse came & got us from the waiting room so I just assumed the same thing would happen.  (You have to wait for the anesthesiologist & nurses to get Skylar settled after surgery).  I was so mad!

And then the worst part of the day that I REALLY wish someone would have warned me about was how incredibly pale Skylar was when we went to see her after the surgery.  I mean she was as white as a piece of paper.  It freaked me out so bad & seriously no parent should ever have to see their child look that way.  I could not believe that a nurse or Dr didn't think to warn me.  Dr. Baldwin assured us it was just from the anesthesia but to this day I don't understand why she looked that pale after the 2nd surgery when she didn't look that way after the 1st surgery.  They also said she was anemic.

I honestly felt OK the entire day and even while the surgery was taking place until I saw her after the surgery. By that night her color came back a little bit but to this day (6/20/11), she's still pretty pale and it's because she's anemic so I've been giving her vitamins with iron.

But overall, I felt way better during the 2nd surgery than I did the 1st surgery.  Maybe just because I'd been through it before?

Interesting fact:  Skylar was exactly one week old the day of first surgery & exactly one month old the day of second surgery.

Later that evening, I heard a knock on the door and found that we were heart attacked!  It was so sweet & it really lifted my spirits.  The hearts said:

We love you Blakeley
We love you Skylar
We think of you often
From friends who know and love you
You have a beautiful family
Stay strong
You're in our prayers
Keep the faith

I love that they used really bright colored paper.  They also left a basket of treats, goodies, toys, & balloons for Blakeley.  So sweet.  I think I know who it was.  It just goes to show what tremendous support we had through this whole ordeal.

Surgery #2???

12:25pm

Today is a big day. Probably the biggest day since the last surgery. We find out if Skylar needs surgery again or not. I'm praying for a miracle. We're on our way to the hospital now.

4:30pm
Just confirmed that surgery #2 will be tomorrow mid day. Not sure if its remaining webbing or if scar tissue already built up where it's still not allowing liquid to pass through. The surgeon may actually link the stomach & intestines differently & just bypass that problem area. Crazy to think about. At this point, I'm just glad it will be tomorrow so we can get it over with! It would be torture to have to wait.

This morning I prayed about Skylar. Then read these scriptures:

Mosiah 9:18: And God did hear our cries and did answer our prayers; and we did go forth in his might...

1 Nephi 18:21: And it came to pass after they had loosed me, behold, I took the compass, and it did work whither I desired it. And it came to pass that I aprayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed the winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm.

Mosiah 24:14-16, 21 (verse 15 is how it is for me most days):

14 And I will also ease the aburdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as bwitnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their cafflictions.

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

16 And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage.

21 Yea, and in the valley of Alma they poured out their thanks to God because he had been merciful unto them, and eased their burdens, and had delivered them out of bondage; for they were in bondage, and none could deliver them except it were the Lord their God.

Alma 17:10-11:

10 And it came to pass that the Lord did visit them with his Spirit, and said unto them: Be comforted. And they were comforted.

11 And the Lord said unto them also: Go forth among the Lamanites, thy brethren, and establish my word; yet ye shall be patient in long-suffering and afflictions, that ye may show forth good examples unto them in me, and I will make an instrument of thee in my hands unto the salvation of many souls.

Helaman 3:27-28, 35

27 Thus we may see that the Lord is merciful unto all who will, in the sincerity of their hearts, call upon his holy name.

28 Yea, thus we see that the gate of heaven is open unto all, even to those who will believe on the name of Jesus Christ, who is the Son of God.

35 Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God.

It's such a comfort to read scriptures like these.

Blakeley Loves Nursery!

Blakeley loves nursery at church & does not cry or fuss at all when we drop her off.  This was yesterday on their walk. 

She's leading the pack!

Strength Beyond My Own

Most days I've really felt pretty good about everything related to Skylar & the NICU which seems sort of strange to me.  Most days, it has not felt as hard as I think it should feel.  I've definitely had strength beyond my own & I know that is because of the countless prayers that are being sent up on our behalf.  I know people are putting our names in the temple also & I'm so grateful for that.  Some people have apologized that they have not been able to do any physical thing to help us such as babysit or bring a meal by but I know that they have thought about us & prayed about us.  I truly feel that the prayers are just as helpful as the tangible efforts.  I'm so grateful that so many people care about us & are praying for us.

In Sacrament, they announced updates on Skylar a few times & the first time they announced that our baby was born but had an issue & was still in the hospital, I was told that every prayer said that day in church mentioned Skylar.  People told me that every prayer in their home includes Skylar.  That even when their children pray, they pray for baby Skylar.  How sweet & special is that?  It's making me teary just thinking about it.  Amazing people walk this earth.

People have even been posting FB comments on their own page about Skylar & her surgeries asking everyone else that they know on FB to pray for our family.  When I see posts like that, I cry.  It's the sweetest thing. 

The support has been tremendous.  We could not do this on our own.

I guess I'm just surprised that I have felt so strong through it all & that I'm not a blubbery mess 24/7.  Don't get me wrong, there are some hard days.  But surprisingly, they are few.  I thank my Heavenly Father for the strength & energy he is giving me to keep pushing on.  He is giving me strength beyond my own.