Surgery Day

9:15am
It's overcast today...a pretty good comparison to how my heart feels. I didn't know how I was going to feel today because yesterday I couldn't really feel anything.

Today I purposely left before Blakeley woke up because I knew I'd cry if I said bye to her. It kills me to leave her since I'm so used to being with her all the time. I feel like I've barely seen her the last week and I feel sad and guilty in a way about that. I'm having Blakeley withdrawals.

We're on our way to the hospital to hold Skylar and spend some time with her before surgery starts.

I have to hope that everything is going to be OK because any other option just does not compute. I brought her car seat with us and I'm going to set it in front of me while we wait during surgery to symbolize that we WILL be bringing our baby home in a couple weeks. Let me say that again...WE WILL BE BRINGING OUR BABY HOME IN A COUPLE WEEKS!

11:40am
Surgery was pushed back a couple hours because they had an emergency surgery come up. It was going to be at about 10:30am but now its going to be around 12:30pm. That was fine with me though because that means more time to hold Skylar and spend time with her. Holding her is therapeutic for me and I would imagine it is for her too. I'm feeling a lot better now after holding her than I felt earlier before we got here.

I read my friend, Tanya's FB post this morning that read: "We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes, 'Why did this happen to me?' unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way."

She continued: I have learned to be thankful for not only my blessings, but for the hard times too, because those hard times are truly blessings in disguise. I know God wouldn't put me through anything that isn't going to promote me or make me stronger. Good morning friends. <3

My response was this:

Instead of asking "Why?" I ask "What am I supposed to learn from this?" And I try to see the lesson in it because there always is one.

So what am I supposed to learn from this? Well it definitely puts things in perspective. On FB I read a post where someone was complaining and pissed off because their side mirror on their car was broken and hanging down when they went outside this morning. I wanted to reply, "well my little 5lb baby is going in for surgery this morning if that makes you feel better." Who cares about a side mirror?

As we were driving here this morning it occurred to me that we need to treat everyone on the road as if they are parents who are driving to the hospital on the day that their little baby is going in for surgery. How much better would we treat people if this was always on our mind? We don't know what people are going through.

I've noticed that the world spins on like normal even though it feels like time has stopped to me.

One of the hardest things about this whole experience is that Skylar has been getting IV fluids but the nurses say she is hungry. The other day I was holding her and she was sucking on her pacifier but she would cry at different times. It sounded like a painful cry to me. I mentioned it to the nurse and she said she was hungry. They then ordered something called "sweeties" which is glucose and water which produces a feel good hormone and they were giving it to her every hour.

But my baby is hungry and I cannot feed her. Any Mother would cry. Yesterday I prayed about that because that is just not right and after I prayed I read the scripture Alma 31:38:

"And the Lord provided for them that they should hunger not, neither should they thirst; yea, and he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ. Now this was according to the prayer of (Kendra) Alma; and this because (s)he prayed in faith."

From that scripture I knew HF was taking care of her and that he would not let her hunger.

Today the nurse was talking again about her being hungry. She even mentioned that her belly probably wasn't aching but that she was probably having hunger pangs. She also said she probably wouldn't really get to eat for like 3 days. I like this nurse and she is really nice but why on EARTH would you say that to parents? That is so NOT comforting.

If I had not read that scripture yesterday and already prayed about it, I would have broken down and bawled. Instead, her comment didn't really bother me because I already know Skylar is being watched over. But wow...I'm pumping all this milk and I cannot feed my baby. Not a good feeling. Skylar has been asleep most of the time when we see her and I'm glad because if she's asleep then I know she's not uncomfortable or hungry.

12:25pm
Sounds like the surgeon is on a different case and it will still be an hour or so before surgery for us.

The chaplain just came over and spoke to us-she was an older lady and I know a Chaplain is a religious term but don't know what it means. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone but she seemed nice and I didn't want to be rude. She just asked us a few questions about the surgery and said a prayer with us. I liked that in her prayer she said something about "blessing every cell in Skylar's body" and "blessing everyone who speaks her name in this hospital" (to be inspired to know what to do for her.)

I wore yellow today for sunshine. As much of a scary and nerve racking day this is, its the first day toward recovery!!! Sunshine...!

1:10pm
The team of Doctors and Nurses just took Skylar for surgery. Tyson changed her diaper right before and I saw her little butt for the first time! I can't believe I had not seen it before! She's so itty bitty! It dawned on me that her umbilical cord will fall off before she comes home.

I keep calling her "Sweet Pea" so apparently that is my nickname for her. Blakeley is my little Sunshine and Skylar is my little Sweet Pea.

We are sitting in a waiting room. The TV is on quietly but there's also quite a few people in here talking so you can't hear the TV. A little girl was just laughing. I swear babies and little kids laughing is the best sound on this planet.

2:27pm
When the surgery is over the surgeon is going to come talk to us. I am facing the doors where he will come in and I keep staring out the windows anxiously as people walk by anticipating his arrival. I know the anesthesia was going to take a little bit but its been an hour and twenty mins since we left her bedside so it could be done anytime.

I keep trying to visualize Skylar in her car seat with the little infant insert and us being released from the hospital and going home. That will be one of the best days of my life. I can't wait to walk out those doors.

I'm biting my nails which I don't normally do and Tyson said something about it. I replied, "I'm allowed to."

2:35pm
Our NICU nurse just came in and said she got a call. Everything is going well but its just taking a little longer than expected. They're about halfway finished. They're inserting a feeding tube so that Skylar can get better nutrition and it just took a while to get the right size tube. So far so good.
 
3:40pm (Posted the following on FB)
Surgeon just came & told us that the surgery went well. She had a complete blockage and he said the type of blockage that she had is pretty rare & that he had only seen 3 in 32 yrs. Don't know how long recovery period will be- probably at least a couple weeks so she will be in NICU for awhile. I can't wait to see her in a few mins and I really can't wait to take her home!!!


8:39pm (Posted on FB:)
Back to the hospital to see my sweet pea. Can't hold her till tomorrow but can't go to bed without seeing her again! I'm glad the hospital is pretty close since we come at least twice a day.